When the Godphone Doesn’t Ring
My journey to becoming a Heathen didn’t begin with a sign. It began with research. It began with trying to find a religious community that reflected my belief in the Norse goddesses and gods, and my values. There is a long and winding story here, but the main point is this – it never began with divine revelation or any kind of magical moment.
That was 2003. Since then, I have continued down this path. I’ve tried to be a good Heathen and challenged myself to grow and learn. I’ve served my community as a leader for over a decade. I’d like to fancy myself someone who has done all the right things.
Yet I have escaped the notice of the Gods.
I used to throw it off, because rejection sucks. I’d scoff at the idea and simply say those the gods notice is clearly meant for an interesting life, and I didn’t need that. I was content with a simple life. Self-delusion is powerful.
But when I heard the stories of those who have a personal calling from the divine, I started to feel a bit hollow, and questioned my place in the religion. Imposter syndrome leads to doubting my beliefs, and why anyone would ever dare listen to what I have to say.
But still I keep moving forward. I keep making my offerings, performing my rituals. I continue to lead my community, and I keep showing up. But those questions still linger in the back of my mind. Why not me? Why am I not good enough to have the favor or attention of the gods?
If you’ve never had the godphone ring, know you aren’t alone. It’s okay to feel confused, angry, and sad. It’s okay not to care. Most importantly, it doesn’t make you any less of a Heathen. So keep striving to be a better Heathen, and know that you are not alone.
New from Dr. Ben
Black Bear Kindred of Central Arkansas
A says:
Hi there,
I found your post linked via http://www.reddit.com/r/heathenry/comments/fa5t1m/when_the_godphone_doesnt_ring/
I once read a post by a woman who’d worshipped a particular Egyptian god for over a decade. She found it very discouraging that she never heard anything from him despite her efforts. Until one day when she had reached a personal low point in life and was crying at work. Then she suddenly felt his presence and realized that he’d been there all along; she just hadn’t heard him.
I think perhaps some people simply find it easier than others to tune into the right “radio channel” to receive messages. Similarly, it’s often said that children have an easier time seeing ghosts, which some people attribute to children not having built up mental barriers yet.
So I don’t believe you necessarily have escaped the notice of the Gods. As for myself, I’ve had a small handful of what I believe to be signs/messages, and they were all different in form. Some were much more subtle than others, sometimes to the point that I only realized long afterwards what it was. However, it’s been a long time since the last clearly noticeable sign, so I have sometimes wondered if the gods no longer found me worthy. It’s easy to get insecure. But I don’t think that’s true, either for me or you. From what I’ve read of your blog so far, you sound like a good person and devoted practitioner. Most likely the Gods are with you more than you know.
In fact (and I hope it isn’t improper to mention this story here), I’m reminded of an old Christian joke about a man who is about to drown. The man declines help from various people coming to his rescue, telling them that God will save him. After he finally dies, he goes to heaven and asks God why he didn’t help him. God replies: “I sent you a boat and a helicopter. What more did you expect?”
I think that story has a valid point. Perhaps divine communication and help is sometimes more mundane than we expect. 🙂